Kurt Elizabeth Hummel. Age 19. Currently living in New York and interning for Vogue (and by intern I mean coffee and filing.) I love scarves, Broadway, and nonfat mocha lattes (with a little bit of extra whip).
I plan on having my own fashion line out by the time I'm twenty five. It's not just a dream - it's my reality.
Oh, and I'm dating amazing Sebastian Smythe. Still not sure how that happened, but... It's amazing.
Sebastian:
But I love you. You're at the center of my whole world, and I'm just.. orbiting around you. Forever and ever. Everything you do-- whether you're here or eleven hours away or across the Atlantic.. I just know. Because you're all I see. You're all I ever want to see. You just... light up everything-- like a goddamn beacon. And it's just.. warm and love and beauty and everything I've never ever had before. I don't know how to function with you. I can't even breathe. And I'd love to know how you did it, how you walked into my life, insulting my clothes and my hair and managed to become this huge, important, vital part of.. me. I still think about it you know. Even though you said you wanted to go slow, which is fine, really, but sometimes I think about it. Living with you in Paris. Getting married with family and close friends because we've had enough extravagance to last us a lifetime. And it's you-- always you. A life with you is all I see-- all I ever want. And I look at you, and I think I can give up the whole world, you know? Give up the whole world and hand it to you because you.. just deserve everything. All the happiness and kindness and success in the world-- your name in lights, your fashion label at 25... more than just a shit boyfriend who can't keep his words to himself. I don't hate you. I don't want to hate you. I can't even.. imagine life without you because what life is that? I don't want it. If you're not in it, then I don't want it. You're like the air I breathe... and I still don't know how you did it. But there you are. Breathtaking and blinding and just... you.
Kurt:
....
Kurt:
I...
Kurt:
I think we should take a break from each other.
Kurt:
Because being this dependent on each other can't be healthy. And this is only after a few weeks apart.
Kurt:
You were right - all those things you said before about me were right. You're right that I don't know how to hold back my tongue. Maybe I'm just not ready for another relationship if Blaine's still hanging in the corner. You're sorely mistaken if you think I deserve anything at this point. And... You're right that you're always waiting for me and you have every right to hate me. Even if you love me, that doesn't change the fact that you should hate me, and you've made the abundantly clear.
Kurt:
You're right, so I'm sorry.
Sebastian:
I bring down all my walls for you, you know. Every single one. You think I don't have defensive retorts for everything you say? But I bite them down, Kurt. Because they /hurt/ you, and I never want to be the kind of person who does that. All of the teasing I used to do, all the remarks I used to make about your appearance-- you throw around meerkat comments like they're affectionate nicknames, but I don't tease you anymore because I know a part of you is still insecure about them. I /stop/, Kurt. But you-- it's like you don't even want to /try/. And you want me to believe that you truly, completely, honest to god, don't say this shit just to hurt me? Even a little bit?
Sebastian:
You're right. I don't understand. I've never had that kind of relationship. But then there's you. And how many times have you hurt me in the last six months, Kurt, and I forgave you, each and every goddamn time. And how much do I still love you despite everything, and how much do I absolutely fucking /hate/ that I can't hate you right now. /Every/ time, Kurt. You do this /every/ single time. And I feel like I'm always waiting. Waiting, waiting, waiting-- always fucking waiting. For my entire life. Waiting for my father to give a shit about me. Waiting for my mother to tell me /why/ the fuck she /left/ me. Waiting for people to stop looking at me and seeing only a two-bit whore. But with you-- I thought, at least with you, I wouldn't have to wait anymore. I can stop feeling like I'm drowning where I'm standing.
Sebastian:
But that's not true is it?
Sebastian:
Because I have Blaine fucking Anderson hanging like a specter in the corner, and you standing there and making me feel like if he just makes one little move and tells you he's still in love with you, you might just go running off back to him--- but no, no, one little mention of him, and all your walls come flying at me, and you don't even /care/ enough to ask me.
Sebastian:
God-- fucking--- I love you, and I'm missing you so much it hurts to breathe, but then you do all of this-- and it's like you don't even /care/--- Jesus fuck.
Kurt:
..... You're right.
Kurt:
You're right, Sebastian.
Kurt:
You shouldn't have to wait for me anymore.
Kurt:
Go ahead and hate me. Apparently I've never given you a reason to feel anything else about me.
Sebastian:
Can you stop acting like a jerk?
Kurt:
Isn't that kind of like the pot calling the kettle black? I think I deserved a bit more of a response than just 'okay'.
Kurt:
I...
Kurt:
Oh god, Seb.... I'm sorry, I....
Sebastian:
Oh, don't give me that. You did mean it. You wanted to hurt me, you knew it would, so you said it. Congrats. You know me /so/ well. Truly. Good night.
Kurt:
... You're wrong. I've said things in the past, when I've really wanted to hurt you, because I would get so mad and the only way I could ever think of getting the better of you is that one line, because that's always been my only weapon. But I didn't want to hurt you this time. I was just... Frustrated and upset and you /don't/ understand, Sebastian. It.... It wasn't an insult, it was a fact. You've never been in a relationship like Blaine and I were. I mean, yes, you and I are in one now but... You never had to chase someone for so long that you would do anything, /anything/ to keep them once you have them.
Kurt:
But it's not the chasing I think you don't understand. I think.... When you're in a relationship with someone, for so long, they become a part of you. And then they hurt you. They hurt you and you can't even hate them because you love them so much. And you would let them hurt you over and over again, if it meant that you wouldn't have to lose that part of you that you worked so hard to get. And you hate it that you still love them, but you still can't help but act stupid when someone talks about them, or get upset if they're badmouthed....
Kurt:
I didn't mean to hurt you. You're right in a way - I always know exactly what to say to hit a person where I want to hit them. But... You're wrong if you think I throw them out to hurt the other person.
Kurt:
Usually I throw them out just to protect myself.
Kurt:
I'm not... Sorry, for saying what I said. I'm still upset. But it's... It's not a personal agenda against you, Seb. I didn't want to hurt you. I love you. It's just.... Blaine. It's Blaine and it's always been how stupid I act when it comes to Blaine. I hate him... But I can't hate him, because it's him....
Kurt:
I just... I can't explain it any better than that.
Sebastian:
It must be interesting living in your head. You have all these little snide remarks waiting to be thrown at people, and you know perfectly well it's going to hit them where it hurts the most because you make it like that. And you throw it anyway. Well, congratulations, Kurt. You have perfect aim as always. Do you feel better now? Throwing knives at me. I hope you do. Because at least one of us should be happy, and since you obviously don't want it to be me, guess you're the only one left.
Kurt:
... Sebastian, I....
Kurt:
I didn't mean it....
Sebastian:
Yeah, I wasn't implying anything, Kurt. I didn't say you did anything wrong. Stop getting defensive with me. I'm going to talk to you later. Good night.
Kurt:
Fine. I knew that you wouldn't understand, anyway.
Sebastian:
Never, never. I'm way too smart for that, babe. So he thinks, but he really isn't elegance and class at all. Fucking--- god, whatever. It doesn't matter. I liked it when you came back at me. It was witty, and intelligent, and challenging. Like being back in Paris again surrounded by designers and artists. People like that didn't exist in Ohio. And then there was you.
Kurt:
Of course you are, Seb. He... Well, he was. Blaine is- was--... You're right, it just doesn't matter.
Sebastian:
I am innocent. He did? What the hell for?
Kurt:
.... As long as you don't get arrested, darling. And just... He didn't like it. It wasn't classy to insult you like that, I was sinking to your level, and Blaine was nothing if not elegance and class....
